Government: 1Malaysia Transformation Plant to be implemented by next monthPUTRAJAYA--After much delay, the government has finally unveiled the new 1Malaysia Transformation Plant, ready to be implemented by the end of next month, said Abdul Tahar, a spokesperson from the Prime Minister's Department. "We have spent a lot of time brainstorming and listening to the rakyat's input, trying to find ways that we can break down the barriers so that Malaysians can be 1Malaysia, regardless of race or religion. I'm glad to say that we now have the answer in our hands," he said, holding up the plant. Cannabis sativa, a plant known for encouraging dialogue, improving relations, heightening creativity and making you high off your ass, was chosen after a rigorous 3 months fact finding mission conducted by the Ministry of Agriculture. The plant was developed via a joint effort with Thailand, Nepal, and Netherlands "We are very thankful to the government of Thailand, Nepal and Netherlands who have been more than helpful in assisting us with the plant. It was a long, gruelling process to determine the perfect plant for our country. Thankfully, the 38 MP's who have volunteered for the fact finding mission never gave up, staying up all night testing various plants and methods to implement them until their eyes turned red." The fact finding was a success, said Abdul Tahar, as it confirmed that this plant was in line with the government's 1Malaysia vision to reduce crime rate, combat corruption, and trip our balls out. The government has also looked into the needs of different age groups, and have distributed leaflets on how to help implement the plant appropriately . "We have studied ways to implement this on all levels, to ensure that this 1Malaysia plant does not leave anyone out. For example, those who are below 18 years old, we will make it easier for them to digest the plant, by making it into cookies or cakes. I believe they aren't mature enough to inhale the plant, much less roll a perfect joint or make an emergency bong from a Spritzer bottle and a pen." To help widen its distribution and to ensure that the plant reaches everyone in Malaysia, local dealers can now sign up at recruiting centres to be a distributor. "We still remember when we recruited Mat Rempits and rebranded them as Mat Cemerlang. After the overwhelming success of that, we have decided to recruit these dealers, who we will now rebrand as Mat Muhibah, to be the government's main front line in helping us spread the plants around, in addition to distributing leaflets, rolling paper, and roaches." He also encouraged citizens to hold weekly Muhibah Meetings, where the rakyat can all gather to implement the plant together. After a demonstration on how to hold a Muhibah Meeting, attendees were treated to a sample Muhibbah Meal, sponsored by KFC, McDonalds, Dominoes, Pizza Hut, Burger King, and Wendy's. Abdul Tahar believed the demonstration was a complete success as attendees, regardless of race and religion, sat together at their tables, enjoying their meal in complete silence.
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